Implausible 'Raising Helen' prompts sinking feeling

By NATHAN LERNER

In the dramedy Raising Helen, Times' Kate Hudson portrays Helen Bradley, a free-spirited career woman. By day, Helen works as an executive assistant at a Manhattan modeling agency. By night, she's a status-obsessed habitu of the club scene. At a family function, Helen's decision to remain a bachelorette is placed in stark contrast to those of her two older sisters, both of whom have become suburban mommies.

Tragedy strikes when Helen's oldest sister and her husband are killed in a car accident. They leave behind three children: rebellious neo-adolescent Audrey (Hayden Panettiere); morose glump Kenny (Spencer Breslin); and adorable preschooler Sarah (Abigail Breslin). Much to everyone's surprise, the deceased parents had designated Helen, rather than the seemingly logical choice, middle sister Jenny (Joan Cusack), to assume the role as guardian of their children.

What's the reason for this cockamamie decision? The text of the film advises us that the parents chose Helen for two reasons. Helen has a better sense of humor than the more serious-minded Jenny. Sure, that's the basis of a sensible decision. For that matter, why didn't they just pick Don Rickles as guardian? After all, he's funnier than either of the surviving sisters. Applying the film's logic, he would make one helluva surrogate dad. Then there's the matter of musical tastes. Apparently, the oldest sister and Helen shared a penchant for the song Whip It, by Devo. That's certainly another cogent criterion for choosing a guardian.

Reluctantly, Helen abandons her promising career and moves to the borough of Queens. There, the elitist Helen must cope with living among the dreaded bridge and tunnel crowd. She enrolls all three children in a local Lutheran school, run by Pastor Dan (John Corbett). Of course, it's inevitable that a romance blossoms between Helen and Pastor Dan.

Even by the relaxed standards of a Garry Marshall-directed film, this is a particularly superficial and insipid piece of fluff. The screenplay for Raising Helen invokes a horrendous premise. Parents designate an eminently unqualified person to serve as guardian of their offspring. Innocent children then bear the brunt of the protagonist's selfishness and ineptitude at parenting. Raising Helen is an implausible, unpleasant and unfunny affair.

*  PG-13 (for thematic issues involving teens) 119 minutes