Wyndmoor psychologist publishes book on discipline

By KATIE WORRALL

If your child is acting out, not doing as you asked and making you angry, what that child is looking for is attention.

That is the message of Wyndmoor psychologist Cristine Chandler, Ph.D., who has co-written a book called Four Weeks to a Better-Behaved Child, with Laura McGrath, that was published by McGraw-Hill.

The ideas in the book can be helpful to parents of children of all ages, but the techniques suggested are best for children ages two to 10.

The book describes a “practical system based on a positive premise that children behave well when they understand clearly what is expected of them and they are held accountable,” Chandler writes in the introduction.

Chandler is a proponent of the four c’s of discipline: clear, consistent, contingent and consequences, and four techniques that can change a child‘s behavior. They are positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, extinction and punishment.

Positive reinforcement is described as encouraging repetition of desirable behavior with rewards, either tangible or social.  An example of negative reinforcement (which should not be confused with punishment) given in the book is a father who became increasingly angry when his son refused to turn off the television to come to dinner. When the father realized that his anger was aggravating his son’s behavior, he stopped getting angry and his son’s behavior improved. Extinction and punishment are methods of decreasing the frequency of behavior. Extinction is the practice of providing no response while punishment is the practice of following a behavior with a negative consequence.

The book describes how to use each of these methods. A chart in the back of the book shows what a child is able to understand and do, according to age, the impact on discipline and what tasks children are able to accomplish.

Chandler recommends that if a child has a temper tantrum, parents should wait until the child has calmed down before they are given a “time out”— or cool-down, as the psychologist calls it. “While the child is in a time out, they do not get attention,” she said.

The psychologist’s favorite chapter is the one on anger and why it is ineffective.

“When you are very angry with a child, you are locked into a relationship with him or her. He or she has got 1,000 percent of your attention. When you are angry, remove the attention. Another reason not to get angry is that no one can think when he or she is angry. Taking is good, but when the child is angry.”

Chandler suggests that parents explain consequences to the child ahead of time. Another is to give no reply, but the child should know ahead of time why you are ignoring him or her, or the bad behavior will escalate.

An example of a planned “no reply,” Chandler said, is to tell the child that if they speak in a whiny voice again, the parent will not reply. She points out that this method is good for annoying behavior.

Chandler also suggests using a rewards system, such as a marble jar. The child gets a marble when the child has done a chore around the house that they can trade for an activity such as watching television. Each jar would equal one day. A longer system, such as a chart recording a week of rewards, does not work because a child may do his or her chores for part of the week but not the other part, she said.

Chandler gets many referrals from pediatricians who have talked with parents who have complained about their child’s behavior during a well-child examination. Before the book was published, parents would meet with her; she would listen to their concerns and teach them techniques. Few parents needed to come for more than one or two sessions.

Since the book was published, she has received 19 referrals, 17 of which she has helped by suggesting that the parents read the book. Chandler appreciates this because it allows her to spend time on more complicated cases.

Chandler, who grew up in Oklahoma, became interested in psychology at the age of 10, when after a back injury, she had physical therapy at a facility where children with autism and schizophrenia lived. Wondering why the children were that way, she began reading books about Sigmund Freud. She went on to earn an undergraduate in psychology from Vanderbilt University and a master’s degree in experimental psychology from Western Washington University before going to the University of Denver, where she received two doctoral degrees, one in clinical psychology and the other in developmental psychology.

She and her husband, James Connell, were professors at the University of Rochester before moving to Philadelphia. Connell runs the Institute for Research and Reform in Education, which works to implement reform in urban school systems.

Chandler, who spent much of her career making diagnoses and making assessments, does not think she will write a book on teen behavior because she does not have the accumulated certainties of that age group.” My goal is to reach three, four and five-year-olds. I think kids want to please their parents,” she said.