Stories of adoption  joy and pain at Hill Library

by ALICIA KIMMEL

"Adoption, Displacement, Abandonment, Love, Hope, Discouragement. Momma, how could you? And Momma, glad you did. Release and restoration all wrapped up in one word. There is nothing more hurtful, more joyful, than adoption." The complexity of emotion and frankness of true feeling wrapped up in this poem by Karen Cimorelli are just a small part of the in-depth look at life in the book Writing from the Heart: Voices of Adoption.

The book is a small compilation project undertaken by a workshop class with the same title. Taught by Betsy Self, a Korean adoptee, at the Mt. Airy Learning Tree (commonly known around the area as MALT), the class was meant to help adoptees and adoptive parents express their feelings about adoption through writing. The result, a richly expressive (albeit small) book, will be read by members of the class on Nov. 10 at 7 p.m. at the Chestnut Hill Free Library, 8812 Germantown Ave.

Betsy, a Korean adoptee herself, and Mt. Airy resident, began teaching the class at MALT because, she says, "I wanted ... a place where I could explore the issues close to my heart and spirit -- race, adoption and identity -- while encouraging others to delve into and accept our life experiences, our unique stories that, when spoken in truth, are universal."

Betsy feels that teaching a creative writing class involves not only the act of writing, but also having the opportunity to speak, "to have a sense that their voice matters," and "to feel that they have something [important] to contribute." Using these ideas in the "Voices" class helped everyone to share and understand each other's concerns, joys and individual experiences during last spring's Saturday meetings.

Mel Marmer, a native Philadelphian who was adopted at only one day old, was one of the many who not only gained perspective on how others felt about adoption, but gained insight into his own feelings about being adopted. Part of his story goes like this: "I finally met my birth mom over the phone when I was 35. I guess it was the culmination of wanting to find out who my 'real parents' were ever since I was a kid and I was told that I was adopted. I ask you, wouldn't anyone who was adopted want to know who his parents were? Nothing against my adoptive parents; I loved them with all of my heart and didn't want to lose them. I just wanted to know as much as I could about my 'real' parents, and, therefore, myself."

Susan Schacter emotionally told the story of how she came to be the adoptive mother of two beautiful children. "I thought of all the children I had worked with and loved in the shelter, starved for attention, swimming through seas of other children to get to the white lady on the other side of the shore. Why do my mind and emotions always lead me to the unthinkable? In this case, the raw, harsh issues in adoption that are so hard to approach." Susan wrote plainly about her feelings and also found an expressive outlet in the book through her drawings, while Ellen Murphy, another writer, learned valuable lessons through taking this class. She wrote that "there is no one adoption experience," and "people touched by adoption need opportunities to talk openly with each other and share experiences, struggles and questions."

Others in the class expressed themselves through poetry. Barbara Cavanaugh, another native Philadelphian and a recognized poet, addressed the idea of similarity between her Chinese daughter and herself, as well as ideas on conception, breast-feeding and the lack of closeness an adoptive mother is allowed. Donna Wolf-Palacio, another poet and adoptive parent, found a voice for her adopted daughter's feelings in her writing.

Betsy Self hopes this class project will help the public to "get a taste of the personal stories as adoptive parents and adoptees." She said in an interview, "People, in general have few opportunities in day-to-day life to be truly heard, so it was important that the class environment support not only examining truths on paper, but listening with mutual respect and support."

After reading the book, I have to say that I now understand much more about what it means to be adopted and to adopt. The stories are all equally intriguing and emotional.

Everyone included in the class participated in the making of Voices, and though not everyone will participate in the reading, it promises to be an interesting evening at the library. For more information, contact Self at hself@myexcel.com.