Pathetic cell phone addiction belongs in the toilet

Over the Top August 14, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd For that brief moment, when your iPhone is hurtling downward through the artificially freshened restroom air, from the privacy of your stall, you will think, “Please, when you land, go clackety-clack-skitter, not sploosh.” You may even have a chance to lean your head to one side, like the bad guys have just […]
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If you’re not dead, you may be able to find free money

Over the Top August 7, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd “Wait, but I’m not dead,” I explained to the customer support representative. She didn’t seem quite convinced. “I’m sorry, Mr. Todd, but the account was closed due to inactivity,” she explained again, deftly using the passive voice to assign blame to no one. Who closed the account? Let’s not get bogged down […]
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Loony family finds one of their own most unexpectedly

Over the Top August 1, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd “It can’t be,” I said, stopping in the middle of the street between my double- and triple-takes. I pulled my dog Memphis’ leash tight, keeping her close to my leg. Zack, the two-year-old freeloader riding in my backpack, leaned over to see what was going on. “Whassat?” he asked. Just down the […]
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Is today his ‘clucky day?’ – Vegetarian wannabe is too chicken to stop eating meat

Over the Top July 24, 2014 1 Comment

by Mike Todd “Come on, try it,” I said to my wife, Kara, nudging the cube of who-knows-what toward her. “Uh uh,” she said, shaking her head. “Oh, try something new, Evan,” I said, reminding her of the phrase we employ 27 times a day in our vain attempts to get our four-year-old son, who […]
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Mike is so cheap when buying coffee; ‘grounds’ for divorce?

Over the Top June 27, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd Once the words came out, there could be no putting them back in. My wife Kara would know the full extent of my betrayal. “There’s a pretty good chance you’re about be angry with me,” I told her. “Oh, really?” she laughed; then she saw the look on my face. “Wait, really? […]
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Explorer Man finds the time is meow for ‘Kittenpalooza’

Opinion, Over the Top, Pets June 21, 2014 0 Comments

By Mike Todd “Dude, there could be hornets’ nests in there or poison ivy or rusty nails sticking out all over the place,” I told our four-year-old son, Evan, and his eyes grew wide. “Please can I go in there? Pleeeease?” he said again, and I realized that I might as well have told him […]
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Learning about nature: $23 is too much for a bag of dirt

Over the Top May 2, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd There comes a point when you decide you’re not going to get ripped off purchasing organic produce anymore and that you’d prefer to get ripped off even worse growing your own. “I had no idea dirt was so expensive,” I said, throwing one more $10 bag into the cart. Apparently, if you […]
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The ‘King’ rules over genetically modified Disney child

Over the Top April 24, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd I was just minding my own business, unaware that I was about to get pounced upon, becoming a part of the great circle of life. “’Lion King! Lion King!’ Can we get it?” my son Evan screeched, pointing at the shelf of movies. “Shhhhh, library voice,” I replied. We’d just started visiting […]
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Great new crash diet: lick a few toys in daycare center

Over the Top March 6, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd “It’s here! It’s here!” I yelled, nose pressed against the window. Our dog Memphis went berserk barking, which is what she does to alert us to things we already know about. It’s an annoying habit, but at least it comes from a good place. A good, stupid place. This time, at least […]
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Dad’s fate: sexist yogurt box and a four-word vocabulary

Over the Top January 24, 2014 0 Comments

by Mike Todd It was early in the morning, too early for big news, but I braced myself anyway, since the news was coming whether I was awake enough for it or not. “Big news,” said the yogurt box, “for moms who love the wholesome goodness of GoGurt Simple.” I turned the box around in […]
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