Local experts explain how to keep your teenagers safe and focused

Posted 4/9/20

Chestnut Hill psychologist, Rob Ziffer, PhD. by Stacia Friedman How concerned should you be about the amount of time your adolescent children spend outside the home not maintaining social distance …

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Local experts explain how to keep your teenagers safe and focused

Posted
Chestnut Hill psychologist, Rob Ziffer, PhD.

by Stacia Friedman

How concerned should you be about the amount of time your adolescent children spend outside the home not maintaining social distance during the pandemic? This is the question we posed to Chestnut Hill psychologist, Rob Ziffer, PhD, who has specialized in working with children, adolescents, college students and adults since 1977.

“Parents should be very concerned,” said Dr. Ziffer. “Teenagers have a tendency to believe they are invincible. They take advantage, while parents try to walk that line between judge and friend. Parents need to explain to their middle school and high school age children that even though they and their friends feel fine, they can transmit the virus.”

Dr. Ziffer suggests that parents also talk to the parents of their children’s friends to make sure everyone is on the same page.

“The stakes are so high that it’s better to make the mistake of being too strict,” he said. “Teens are notorious risk takers and may not be capable of staying six feet away from their friends. Each parent has to decide the boundaries.”

While some teens may adapt well to online lessons, communicating with friends via social media and telecommunicating apps like Zoom and Skype, some might act out or show signs of depression.

“Feeling overwhelmed by anger because you can’t do your usual activities is normal,” Ziff said. “We are all suffering in some way. Everyone’s anxiety is high. Kids tend to absorb their parents’ moods. If your teen is worrying that something terrible will happen to them or someone they love, it’s important to help them focus on the present moment, to stay away from anticipatory grief. Help them realize that being home sucks, but it is not catastrophic. Elicit their ideas in taking steps to keep people safe.”

During this challenging time, parents of teenagers need to be on the lookout for any noticeable change in behavior — sleeping more, eating more, not doing schoolwork, etc. Create a schedule for them — and yourself — and stick to it.

We also sent questions to Brian Zalasky, Dean of 11th and 12th grade students at Springside Chestnut Hill Academy. How are students handling online learning?

“We hope our students engage with their coursework in a manner as close to their normal classroom experience as possible,” Zalasky said. “For example, in my 11th grade English course, we're continuing our work with 'The Things They Carried' with class discussion boards via Google Classroom.” 

Although students may connect with learning modules at any time, they are required to meet every weekday morning with their advisers via Google Meet, which introduces normalcy into days spent lounging in pajamas.

“This allows our faculty to check in with students to get a sense of how they and their families are holding up during this unprecedented time,” Zalasky said. “To see if there is anything we can do as a school community to help ease the burden and to address the day-to-day experiences in their new, online classes.

“Beyond the academic aspects, the psychological and emotional connections of online learning are major. Many of our students spend more time at school than they do at their own home. So, for many of our kids, the Henry Library or Kingsley Gymnasium is just as much a home for them as their actual house. And the people who fill those spaces, their peers and the staff and faculty, become akin to family. Being able to see those familiar faces and hear their voices helps a great deal. Moreover, kids crave structure and routine. We're trying to provide some semblance of that for our kids and families in order to create a new sense of normal that hopefully lowers stress.”

Now that social distancing has been extended through April, students are expressing concerns about the things they will be missing.

“Students, especially our seniors, are beginning to fear the worst about prom, graduation, etc.,” Zalasky said. “I think the moment these possibilities became 'real' for our students was when the NBA, NCAA tournament and other major sporting events were suspended indefinitely.

“At this point, we have not made any decisions on prom or graduation, seeing that the COVID-19 crisis is fluid and things are changing so quickly. As for sports, spring athletics have been canceled. As a varsity coach and former collegiate athlete, I sympathize with what the student-athletes and coaching staffs are going through right now.”

For more information, contact Dr. Ziffer at drrobziffer.com or 610-304-6581.

Stacia Friedman is a Mt. Airy resident, author and freelance writer for several websites and area publications.

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