Death is something most of us try not to think about. We avoid the inevitable. And then, we experience the death of a loved one. Needless to say, grieving such a death can be overwhelming. It can even cause physical, emotional and psychological trauma.

That is where Naila Francis, a certified death coach and grief midwife, comes in. A resident of Roxborough for the past 14 years, Francis is an ordained interfaith minister through the Circle of Miracles in Bucks County in 2018.

Like many people who go into grief counseling, Francis' own personal loss motivated her to help mitigate the suffering of others. “My dad died of esophageal cancer in 2012,” she said last week, “and my mom's partner, Lou (my parents were divorced), who had been very much a father figure to me, died very suddenly of pancreatic cancer.

“I was with my dad when he died in a hospital in St. Lucia (a Caribbean island), where he had returned to live. That experience of being at his bedside in the last days of his life, watching him surrender to the inevitable, doing my best to be present and fill the time with as much love as possible, made a profound impact on me.”

Francis described her father’s passing as beautiful, not in spite of the suffering and sorrow, but alongside it.

“Walking my own grief journey in the months and years after, I was able to access something I don't think any other path would have brought me to,” she said. What was that path, exactly? “It was a vitality and aliveness and deep commitment to what mattered to me that could only come from being broken open, as I was.”

Francis shared that the early years of grief were “incredibly hard and painful,” and acknowledged a remaining sensation of missing those she’s lost.

“But somehow I emerged more in love with life than I ever imagined I would,” she reflected. Francis believes that there is something sacred about the process of living with, moving through, and integrating grief.  Loss is a natural part of living, as is losing those we loved, and sometimes parts of ourselves along with them.

“I realized that grief should not be relegated to the shadows and margins of life,” she said. “I wanted to be part of a culture that normalizes grief and refutes all the toxic messaging … that keeps us from being true to how we really feel and honoring our own unique grieving process.”

Francis' clients have responded to her profound message. 

It was one such client, Elise Rivers, owner of Compassionate Alternative Medicine Associates (CAMA), an acupuncture practice in Chestnut Hill, and the Northwest Center for Food As Medicine, who brought Francis to the Local’s attention.  Elise met Francis through the former Common Ground community, an interfaith initiative dedicated to supporting people of disparate backgrounds and experiences in finding “common ground.”  The two later encountered one another as part of Salt Trails: A Community Grief Experience, and Rivers has experienced Francis’ work both individually and in community.

“This past April, when I heard about Naila's offering of a Grief Walk at The Farm at Awbury, for anyone who is experiencing loss and grief (no matter how much time has passed), I felt pulled to attend,” Rivers explained “especially since my mother had died about 4 months prior.  The idea of connecting to others through what may be the most common experience of humanity, that of loss, including ultimately the loss of our own lives, provided an all too rare and safe space, apart from religion, to participate with others in this aspect of humanity's shared common ground.  I felt that Naila, through her words at that event, created a sense of ease, peace, connection and healing for those who attended.  I personally felt it was one of the most powerful public events I'd attended in recent memory.  There is now a Grief Garden at the Arboretum, near the Philly GOAT Project, where I recently sat and released more tears.  Having an intentional space for this in my own backyard of northwest Philly is a blessing.” She noted that the next Grief Walk will occur on July 20 and shared several of the lessons learned through participating in Francis’ offerings.

“It eases heartache when we know we are not alone,” Rivers said. “The Swedish proverb that a sorrow shared is halved, and a joy shared is doubled, really rings true for grieving.  Somehow in a deliberately created space for grieving there is the possibility of halving our pain and increasing our joy--mostly in the form of a shared journey that lightens the load, and by cultivating gratitude for the gifts received from that person or circumstance which is now gone.  One ritual we did, burning an object as a metaphor for our loss, is a time-tested method to help ease us into the difficulty of letting go. I believe it helped my nervous system to cope more effectively with my emotions.  Each time I stepped into these experiences, I felt relief.”

According to Lauren Silver, of Mt. Airy, “Naila has a true gift for creating sacred, open and non-judgmental space through her sessions and offerings. Through the ever-changing emotions that showed up through my grief, Naila was present and flexible as a compassionate witness. The insights she shared were exactly what I needed to integrate new wisdom and embodiment. My sessions with Naila have transformed my life in beautiful ways that are still unfolding. There are not enough words to convey my deep appreciation ... to a skilled and gifted healer and grief coach.”

Nancy Krone, of center city, concurs. “Naila helped me grieve not only the deaths of my husband and mother but also deeply held childhood hurts that came up in the course of our therapeutic relationship,” she said. “She was unfailingly gentle and always found a way to meet me where I was at each session. I am forever grateful to Naila.”

Francis grew up on the Caribbean islands of Barbados, Antigua and St.Lucia until her family moved to the Philadelphia area when she was 10. She graduated from Penncrest High School in Delaware County and from Lehigh University in Bethlehem in 1996 with a major in journalism and a minor in Spanish.

In addition to offering private grief counseling, Francis has been conducting workshops, classes and community events in partnership with organizations such as Weavers Way, Mt. Airy Learning Tree, Philly Goat Project and The Village of Arts and Humanities. She has spoken to area college and high school classrooms and co-founded a collective during the pandemic that offered community grief rituals.

She is also the co-host (along with Sarah Davis) of a podcast called “Breathing Wind,” launched in 2019, about grief and loss that recently celebrated its 100th episode. A dedicated community of listeners has grown around the candid and compelling conversations with those living with grief. 

“Stories are what connect us,” said Francis, “and our listeners will sometimes reach out to share the part of someone's story that most resonated with them. In that way we have become a community of storytellers.”

For more information, visit https://www.thishallowedwilderness.com or https://www.breathingwind.com . Len Lear can be reached at lenlear@chestnuthilllocal.com.