Monitoring your child’s social media usage has become a challenge with a constantly shifting goal post. Every few months, there’s a hot new technology they have to have. How can a parent balance safety concerns with the positive social and educational benefits of modern technology? 

We asked Mt Airy resident, Anndee Hochmann, whose “Parent Trip” column appears in the Philadelphia Inquirer, how she and her spouse regulated their daughter’s social media usage.

“Our daughter got a phone in fifth grade, her first year in middle school, when she was starting to take public transportation without an adult,” said Hochmann. “We had family agreements that applied to us as well as her. No phones at meal times. Phones docked in the hallway, not in the bedroom, at night. No phone use in the car without getting permission from everyone else in the car.”

Hochmann kept those guidelines in place through her daughter’s middle school. By high school, she permitted the phone in her daughter’s room at night because she used it as an alarm clock. “In high school, she definitely had access to social media on her phone and laptop in her room at night and I'm certain it sometimes kept her up late. But she was a fairly self-disciplined person, determined to get enough sleep even during the hectic years of high school,” she said.

Interestingly, Hochmann’s rules continued for the entire household even after her daughter graduated high school. “That practice stayed the same for all of us at home and in restaurants. No phones at the table.” 

Hochmann is keenly aware of social media’s potential for harm. “I think social media often amplifies materialism, competitiveness and exaggerated, stereotypical images, and that has the potential to hurt all kids, especially those already marginalized because of their gender, race, class or disability. Social media often prizes appearance over substance and fosters the kind of meanness that comes from anonymity,” she said.

In response to these potentially negative messages, Hochmann said, “We should at least help our children develop a healthy critique of social media by asking questions about sources, veracity and motive (who's making money from this thing, and how).”

Parental Controls

Depending on what kind of technology you use, android or Apple, there are several online apps that offer parental control, allowing you to limit and monitor what your child can see on their phone, laptop or computer screen. These controls filter, monitor and block sites while limiting their on-screen time. For instance, Google Family Link will establish age-appropriate content, protect their privacy, secure their account, and allow you to see where they are at all times. These parental controls also provide app blocking. 

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all plan to exercise parental control. The important thing is to create a plan that works for your family and revisit it as your children age. 

Consistency is key. If you or your kids stray from the agreed upon rules, don’t give up. Think of your social media controls as a “diet.” Sure, you will fall off the wagon at times. To avoid media binges and starvation, sit down as a family and have a conversation about maintaining a healthy social media plan in which everyone participates. 

The Psychology of Screen Time

“For thirty years, I’ve been asking parents how much time their children spend watching TV, gaming and on social media,” said Mt. Airy Family Therapist, Dottie Klein-Higgins. “During Covid, the amount of screen time got out of hand. Parents relied on these devices to keep kids occupied while they worked from home.”

“It has gotten better,” said Klein-Higgins, “But it’s something to keep an eye on. Social media and video games stimulate dopamine in the brain, creating a sense of addiction. When parents invite children to go for a walk in the Wissahickon, kids may prefer to stay home with their games. This can result in a loss of physical strength and put them at risk for obesity. It is also a concern with teens who may be on social media until 3 a.m. and disrupt their sleep cycle.”

Klein-Higgins encourages parents to model healthy screen time for their children, to steer them towards higher quality programming, and organize family game nights without technology. 

What about kids who have a complete meltdown when their screen time is interrupted? ‘We’re talking about something that is a major departure, crying for hours, red in the face, inconsolable,” said Klein-Higgins.  “For that, I recommend a book by Stacy Jagger, ‘The 30-Day Blackout: How to help your kids turn off their screens and turn to their family.’  The goal is not deprivation. It’s breaking the cycle of addiction and replacing it with healthy limits.”